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[personal profile] hooloovoo
I'm in a weird mood. I've been watching Buffy, and now I'm up to the middle of season 5, the part where...

The part where Joyce dies. A little over a year ago, my dad had a thoracic aortic aneurysm. He's okay now. But it was a few weeks before we knew that he would live, period, much less be okay. And there were a few medical crises, including his heart stopping and being restarted. And then a couple months later he had to have another open heart surgery, though that one was comparatively minor.

Anyway, I've been watching House and medical shows for like 6 months now without having like flashbacks. And the whole Joyce in the hospital with a brain tumor arc was surprisingly okay, mostly because Buffy handled it in a significantly different way than I did, and the hospital stuff was full of inaccuracies. But the episode where Joyce dies felt really .... real. One minute your parent is fine, and the next minute they're very not fine and you have to deal with that while simultaneously doing these inane things like making flight arrangements for yourself and your family or waiting for the coroner or whatever. I know that feeling.

My dad is twice divorced, and I'm the oldest kid. And beyond that, I'm the person where he keeps papers and which of his friends to call and stuff. So when he got sick I was more or less in charge. My grandma and sister and aunt and uncle and a bunch of my dad's friends and [personal profile] nerdyrockchick were there, but I was the one who talked to the doctors and signed stuff. It was good for me, bizarrely. I'm good in a crisis. If my stepmom had still been in the picture.... Well, it would have been even worse.

I was doing fine with watching the Buffy episodes, up until she mentioned talking with her mom about funerals before her mom's surgery. When my dad first woke up, after the surgeries and the coma but before the lung collapse and re-sedation (seriously, telling the whole story takes like 30 minutes, if anyone really wants to know I'll link you to my blog while it was happening), he had all of the emotional, "I love you" type conversations with everyone else, and then he and I talked about how he didn't have a will and where he wanted to be buried. Actually, that was a really dumb conversation, because I already knew all of it. That's sort of how I am in a crisis though, very practical.

But. I kind of feel like that now, watching these episodes of Buffy. Not sad, just numb. And practical. I'll probably end up cleaning my room or something.

I'm not sure I was actually ready to watch these episodes.

But my dad is okay, that's the important thing. He used to run marathons, before the dissection. He wasn't able to run, or ride his bike very fast for a while, but a few days ago, he ran four miles. It was really exciting for everyone. And I mean that seriously, actually. He called me, and I called other people. Possibly the other people were less excited than me.

Tomorrow I'm going to Las Vegas. It's [personal profile] nerdyrockchick 's 21st birthday on Tuesday. We're gonna party. I gotta remember to tell her (though I expect she'll remember too) that it's also the one year anniversary of Dad being awake and aware and recovering. That's a damn good reason to party.

Oh good, this episode isn't about Buffy being sad. Dawn and Spike have got to be the most inept duo ever. I love it. I totally want to be Spike when I grow up.
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August 2011

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